10 Ways To Make Murtagh Mad
by SMARTALIENQT
Summary: The continuation of my “10 Ways To” series, and sequel to “10 Ways to Ruin Eragon’s Holidays”, with added bonus. Flames will be used to make s’mores, because I am hungry and I like s’mores. By SMARTALIENQT. Rated for funny innuendo & mentions of emonness.


**Title:** 10 Ways To Make Murtagh Mad

**Author:** SMARTALIENQT

**Summary:** The continuation of my "10 Ways To" series, and sequel to "10 Ways to Ruin Eragon's Holidays", with added bonus. Flames will be used to make s'mores, because I am hungry and I like s'mores. Mwahahahaha. By SMARTALIENQT

**Disclaimer:** I, SMARTALIENQT, resident of 99 Olympus Mons Rd., Ha-ha, Nottelling, Mars, do solemnly swear that I am not, nor do I work for, know, or have any affiliation with, Christopher Poalini, the staff of _Eragon: The Movie_, the creators of _Eragon: The Movie_, the actors of _Eragon: The Movie_, or the producers, janitors, set crew, tech support, or advertisers of _Eragon: The Movie_. I am also getting absolutely no money off of this, so if you want to dispute rights with me, you can go and relieve the swelling of your head by soaking it, or, failing that, take a nice running leap into a lake. Should you wish to partake in kite flying afterwards, I will strongly encourage you with a stout right boot. And no offense of a malicious nature is intended. Humorous, yes. Malicious, no.

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**10 Ways To Make Murtagh Mad**

10. Ask him if he is emo.

9. When he asks what an 'emo' is, pat him on the arm sympathetically and say that the real ones never know they are.

8. When he looks confuzzled, create a slideshow detailing why Murtagh is emo, citing his love of dark cloaks and being sad due to an unfortunate past.

7. Ask him if he is gay.

6. Ask him if he is gay with Eragon.

5. When he freaks out in disgust, take him to a computer and show him all the incest fanfics about him and Eragon. Be sure to buy a bucket at your local hardware store before attempting this.

4. Be sure to film him foaming at the mouth and projectile vomiting while he isn't looking.

.

.

.

On second thought, make sure he _is_ looking when you film him.

3. Ask him if Zar'oc is a projection of himself, seeing as it means 'misery' and all that.

2. Ask him if he uses Zar'oc to do emo things, since blood doesn't show on a red sword.

1. He will most likely look confuzzled again. Show him the slideshow one more time to drive the point home.

* * *

"Murty, are you emo?" asked a very innocent-looking teenager who was following him. Murtagh frowned.

"What's an 'emo'?"

She smiled sympathetically and patted him on the arm. "The real ones never know they are emo, Murty. It's only the wannabes who say they are actually emo."

Murtagh looked confused and puzzled. Apparently, The Strange Female Teenager had been waiting for this. Grabbing his arm with strength only an authoress-with-the-power-to-do-whatever-she-wants-in-her-own-fiction could achieve, she tugged him into a darkened room of the castle. She plopped him into a chair and turned a strange-looking machine. Light came out one end of it, making a picture form on the wall. Why were there Urgals in this room?

Alien stood at the front of the room. "Thank you all for coming. Today we will continue our five-part series on how Murtagh is emo. As you can see by these photos taken of him when he was doing that movie," here she gestured to various photos of Murtagh dressed in a black cloak, "you can see that he really likes black. And he has a dreadful past, as demonstrated in Eragon, the Book. And as we discussed earlier, emo people usually have tragic pasts they are choked up about, and wear lots of black. They also wallow in self-pity." Murtagh blushed, and wished the floor would swallow him up as the Urgals laughed. Murtagh dashed out of the room.

She was still following him.

"Murty, are you gay?"

Murtagh gasped. "No."

Taking absolutely no notice of his latest remark, she asked again. "Are you gay with Eragon?"

Murtagh freaked out in disgust. "Are you insane? – No, don't answer that," he said as she opened her mouth. "Why would you think… _that?_"

Again, it seemed as if she had planned his reaction. She led him to a strange flat thing, not unlike the thing he had used to laugh at Eragon with. She tapped it a few times, and showed him the screen.

"Read," she said.

Murtagh read. He was very glad of the bucket Alien had thoughtfully provided him. He was about to smash the screen in his foam-mouthéd way when he heard a distinct – "Sniggle." Murtagh turned around in horror. Alien was pointing a camera at him.

Camera still pointed at him, Alien asked, "Is Zar'oc an extension of you, Murty? You know, seeing as it means 'misery' and all that?"

Murtagh was silent as she continued. "Do you use Zar'oc to do emo things? Blood doesn't show on a red sword, you know."

Murtagh looked both confused and puzzled. Again. Alien led him back to the conference room.

"Thank you all for coming. Today we will continue our five-part series on how Murtagh is emo. As you can see by these photos…"

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A/N: This one was S0O0O0O much fun to write! I may be a little off my mark here, as it is 12:37 PM here in the Eastern Standard Time Zone, but I needed a break after writing a very detailed and graphic fight scene in a story I'm writing (Title Pending). R&R, readers! I've been getting hits in the hundreds and reviews in the single digits. There must be a missed connection here. This is how it works: I make you laugh, you tell me I made you laugh. It's a _symbiotic relationship_, people! It's called mutualism! What part of "Read And Review" don't you understand? Is it the "and" part?


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